I have to admit it looked like it was going to be a quiet one at the Brass Monkey on the 16th May due to Lana Del Rey concert but, with a late surge of teams turning up at 9 o'clock on the button, we were "Off to the races"

That's one of her songs by the way.

James Nisbet's Tartan Army won the quiz overall, and also took down the  Fun Round with a pretty topical joke...

There were 7 teams in total...

1. James Nisbet's Tartan Army - Winners and Funnest Team!
2. The Bandits
3. Quizzards Sleeve
4. Tiny Temper
5. Sorry, what was that?
6. Something funny
7. Eat dirt and dye - Round of Applause

That.

Was.

It.


Fact.

Quizguy Martin

It was a nice little night at the Brass Monkey on Thursday 9th May

It could have been busier and I could have been getting a blowjob while reading out the questions, marking the questions and reading out the answers, but we don't always get what we wish for. If that was the case though, my day to day life would be a lot more interesting.

The guy I'm molesting was from Where's the toilet? and (snigger...) what they did (snigger... ) was ask me where they toilet was whenever they were going to the toilet!

Fucking. L. O. L.

He asked if we could kiss and make up after the quiz had finished and, while I was kissing, he got his cock out. You couldn't make it up.

But, if I had a penny for every time that happened...

The quiz finished thus...

1. Handsfree Lightsabres - Winners!
2. Where's the toilet
3. Free the Tarby 1 - Funnest Team!
4. Chick Flicks - £50 Cash Winners!
5. Bar Staff
5. Great Scott
7. E for Idiot
8. Edgar
9. Chorizo rocks my world - Round of Applause!

Anyways, the Chick Flicks (pictured top) won the cash - £50 for those that weren't aware - by answering the Final Question correctly.

Simple as that.

The Handsfree Lightsabres (pictured below) took home a bottle of lovely wine, a personalised certificate, and the bloke who tried to ruin their photograph.

Fact.

Quizguy Martin

It was a busy night at The Brass Monkey last Thursday, with seven teams trying to gain pole position for the chance to take home the £50 cash prize.

Here's how it finished...

1. Cuckoo Connacher's Electrical Goods - Winners!
2. Universally Challenged
2. It's time for lemon and lime
4. Curryoke - Funnest Team!
5. Maggie Thatcher's Milky Snatch
6. Operation Yewtree's Special Cunt Stuble
7. Mad Mags - Round of Applause!

Thanks to a storming final round - and their nearest challengers, Universally Challenged, only answering 4 questions in the negatively marked final round - Cuckoo Connacher's Electrical Goods took home the booze with style just look at them at the top of this post.

After James had his 3rd go at doing the cairds ("Fix! Fix FIIIIIIX!") CCEC got to the final question for the cash. The were in high spirits - with the main spirit being vodka it seemed - and, with the question being about Bill Murray's classic movie Groundhog Day, I thought they had a chance.

Up stepped - well, shouted - Kat telling the whole pub, and the majority of Finieston, that she knew the answer and that she would bet her first born on it. BOOM! They had just pocketed £50 as you can see below.

I'll see you next week, peeps.

Fact.

Quizguy Martin

You know that way you go to write a quiz report, only to find out that your dog has taken a leak all over your quiz sheets?

No? At least it's better than 'My dog ate my quiz report'.

Must just be me. Anyways, I do remember that Handsfree Lightsabers (pictured left) won the quiz, but didn't win the money, and that Our survey says... (pictured right) won the Fun Round.

I say I remember... The pictures are pretty self explainatory.

£50 up for grabs next Thursday.

See you next week. At least I will if I remember to turn up.

Bad dog.

Quizguy Martin

P.S. I don't own a dog.

With a £300 jackpot to be won at the Brass Monkey Thursday 18th April, it was busier than a confessional at the BBC studios.

The cash was taken home by It's time for lemon and lime after knowing more than the average person about Snakes on a Plane.

Even Samuel L. Jackson didn't give a flying fuck about that movie, but I had to asp them the question and they passed with flying colours...

Look at their smiling little faces. And evil eyes!

B & H won the Fun Round with this entry. Ooooh er... Did I just say 'entry'? Yes. Yes, I did. Just checking.

They won a richness of goodies that would make Jordan blush. Bearing in mind she doesn't blush when a group of guy are spaffing in her face, you can tell the prizes were well worth having.

Apart from the one the refused to take from me. Ungrateful swines.

Below you'll find some feedback including some from people who have won the quiz, some from people who have used the quiz to take their minds of suicide(!), some from people who like to doodle mid-round, and some who believe a quiz venue should fork out some form of prize for a team who didn't win the quiz. This is on the same night the venue handed out £300 in cold, hard cash. Good luck with that...

Adolf Hitler's Gas Bill # Fuck me how much? (don't tell me it's still too soon!) won the quiz at the Brass Monkey outright, but no-one took the cash.

All that fun means that there is a pant-shittingly huge £300 to be won next week.

Not quite enough to settle the aforementioned gas bill... See, I knew there was something shifty about that moustache.

Eddie's Ear won the Fun Round last night. In the dark. They did so by calling every team that handed in a joke, a dick. Witty.

They also handed in a joke about Thatcher and Savile.

Go... Guess the punch line.

No? Ok then..

Q. What do Jimmy Savile and Margaret Thatcher have in common?
A. They both screwed every miner/minor in Britain.

Below is another joke that had a Savile/Thatcher connection... Unfortunately the crowd did't get the nuances contained within. Classic.

The Surrealist Joke Movement a.k.a. J&C, were out at the Brass Monkey Quiz last night. Janet from the team, however, was... Interesting? Click on the image (left) to make it bigger. It wasn't worth making it visible.

So that's how high the bar is for the jokes next week.
A bar so low, surely even Steven Hawking could jump it.

And with £300 up for grabs you might want to come early if you want a table!

Fact.

Quizguy Martin

Quizguy Marty was off lying low until Operation Yew-tree has blown over if you are to believe the Tabloids, so Captain Stu sailed into the Brass Monkey to take the helm. 

Seven teams filled the pub up nicely in anticipation of a potential £250 Cash Jackpot! Quiz legend the F.U.D dominated the majority of the quiz like a horny sloth. Brass Monkey regulars Where's Martin (the only team in recent memory to score full marks!) were obviously reeling from the loss of their usual sexy quizmaster as they languished near the bottom of the standings. In fact their score was so bad I had to check the pubs WIFI was still working! 

Team Fudly gained a bonus point for working the word vagina into every answer during the picture round, cheeky scamps! A close quiz saw The Hairy Slothers taking it up the rear for most of the quiz, a fact they took with dubious grace and a few abusive team names until I phoned their Mother and got her down there...that shut them up! They did, however, win the jokes round with a startling graphic depiction of me being sexually gratified by a furry mammal....I do like it rough! 

It was left to 60% not Ian to swoop in and take the Winners Certificate and a bottle of Sparkly home with them as they made a late surge to victory. The Budgie Smugglers beat the FUD in a card off but it was the FUD himself that navigated the cards using his magical mind powers for good for once, meaning only the BEAST could prevent him from winning £250.....Unfortunately the most racist man in the entire universe proved too much for our unlucky FUD and the Money rolls up! 

Next week the Childcatcher will be back and you'll have to put up with a Quizmaster who can't even be bothered to wear a light up LED T-shirt, sad times! Until next time...

Winning team from the Brass Monkey Quiz last night, 'Sensible Jumpers'. Pictured here showing off their winners poster, their bottle of bubbly, and of course, their sensible jumpers. 

This joke by 'Sensible Jumpers' should have won the Joke Round... 
Alas, not everyone loves shit wordplay-based funnies!

Next week there is a big event at the SECC, so there is no quiz.
The quiz will be back the week after - returning Thurs 4th April.

And in case you're wondering what this 'big event' could be and you're thinking President of Scotland Alex Salmond is in town, or the Commonwealth Games have come early, you would be wrong. The darts are on.

Back Thursday 4th April - assuming the snooker doesn't come to town that week.

A deserved win for 'Quiz Quiztofferson'. Will they make it two in a row next week? Possibly... There was fucking tonnes of them...

Shit team name, but they had a wealth of knowledge only Stephen Hawking can compete with. They would kick his wheelchair-bound ass in the 100m though. 

Did I say "£200" next week, yes I did! 
A whopper £200 rollover next week.
It will be a classic.

Quizguy Martin