The Handsfree Lightsabres dished out the biggest 'WTF' moment of the night, using the force and scoring 100% in the final round, crushing the OAs at the same time, and recording victory by 5 points. Sadly a shiny certificate and a sweet bottle of Prosecco was all they won on Thursday as, once again, the cards showed exactly what we mean by 'anybody has a chance at the cash'.
We made our way through every single team - Janet (HL), Chris (OAs), Pam (PYSU), Paul (UJCWaP), Ronnie (Quizimodo) and Damo (3 Irish & a Scot) all failed to make it to card number five. Luckily Eric and Fiona had taken ownership of Lynsey's Bitches and they sailed through the cards.

Next up came the three cash questions:

1) How many cities are there in Scotland?
2) In Neighbours, how many houses are there on the Ramsey Street cul-de-sac?
3) In Aussie Rules football, how many players are there on each team?

Giving the correct combination...

Unfortunately for Eric and Fiona, neither of them had ever seen Neighbours and they couldn't quite land the winning combination.
But GOOD NEWS for everyone else, it means we've got a minimum £75 jackpot this Thursday, so join me then and just try to Break that bloody Safe!

Final Standings on Thursday 8th May

1st - Handsfree Lightsabres
2nd - The OAs
3rd - Pull yer Soaks Up
4th - Up Jacob's Creek Without a Paddle
5th - Quizimodo
5th - 3 Irish and a Token Scot
6th - The Dynamic Halfwits
7th - Lynsey's Bitches

The BEAST and his bastardly combinations have been foiling quiz fans for weeks now, so we were well overdue a win. Man enough to tackle those six digits were team MONK, picture above in glorious black and white. They waltzed off into the monochrome sunset £212 richer.

It was far from plain sailing mind you...

OA regular 'Brian' had been on a four day swiping rampage on Tinder. Having exhausted himself, his fingertips and all that the South Side of Glasgow had to offer, it appeared as though he finally found 'the one'. Sadly he had to be excused from quiz duties and was replaced by a determined Gary. The new superteam, officially 'Brian Loves Tinder', were left trailing throughout the quiz, and at one point it looked as though they would never get over the fact that Brian had ditched trivia for titties.
The Walking, Talking Stephen Hawkings had been in a joint lead with MONK since the bonus round, but an eleventh hour surge from Brian Loves Tinder in the '1 in 3' round sealed the greatest competitive comeback since Liverpool in the 2005 Champions League Final.

As is often the case, the quiz winners, possibly distracted by thoughts of those chilled bubbles they'd be swigging on the way up the road, were immediately dispatched by the BEAST and his monstrous deck of cards. Also failing to make it past the cards were the Walking Talking Stephen Hawkings, and it wasn't until MONK of team MONK stepped up to the plate that our Break the Safe challengers were found.

The Questions:

1) At the start of a game of snooker, how many balls are there on the table?
2) The Beatles released a 1967 song called "When I'm..." what?
3) The TV series Friends was first broadcast in 19...what?

A bit of hesitation and debate for the last question, but the team squeezed out the correct combination...

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Final standings:

42 - Brian Loves Tinder
41 - Monk
41 - The Walking, Talking Stephen Hawkings
33 - Quizimodo
32 - The Hairdressers
22 - Mike Oxlong
07 - Give it a go (Bar Staff)

Have a swatch...

So we're back to a £50+ jackpot this Thursday. Better make the most of it whilst the BEAST is feeling generous.
See you all Thursday, 7pm

With great cash comes great responsibility. Or something along those lines. Anyway, nobody can handle winning the Jayz jackpot and it's only gone and rolled over for another week. This coming Thursday you can look forward to a juicy cash prize of at least £200. Snazzy
Since you're here, take a look at the jackpot questions and the winning combination, peruse some photos of last week's attractive teams, and stick this Thursday's quiz in yer diary. 7.30pm. See ya then

Last week's cash questions:

1) Jim Carrey starred in a 2007 film called "The Number..." what?
2) To the NEAREST 10m, what is the world record distance for the Shot Put?
3) How many Tesco stores are there on the Isle of Man?

And the winning combination looked like this...

The OAs returned from the Caribbean after reportedly winning loadsamoney at the Bungo quiz and immediately got back to business. They recorded victory by a nostril over Saville Woe, but sadly neither of them were quite mighty enough to defeat the BEAST and his bastard deck of cards.

Also having a crack at the cards were Quizimodo, who had stolen third place off of bitter rivals the Dumb Fucks by 2 points. Quizimodo were immediately sent back whence they came and it was left to birthday boy Chris, chief Dumb Fuck, to show the rest of the teams how you get to the elusive card no.5.

As good at the cards as he may have been, Chris was clearly exhausted and confused by the time he made it to the three Break the Safe questions. Clearly not a fan of sharks, Kiwis or Strictly Come Dancing, Chris was marginally off on every question and the Dumb Fucks left empty handed - the BEAST once again showing that he doesn't give a $hit if it's your birthday or not, you're not breaking his safe unless you've bloody earned it.

Lets take a look at some photos and see if you would have won the cash...

Break the Safe questions this week...

1 - How many movies were made as part of the original "Jaws" film series?
2 - How many stars appear on the flag of New Zealand
3 - What is the lowest (total) score ever to have been awarded to a pair of dancers on Strictly Come Dancing? (out of a possible 40)

And this is the six digit combination that would have won the cash...

Final Quiz standings:

1st - The OAs
2nd - Saville Woe
3rd - Quizimodo
4th - The Dumb Fucks
5th - The 3 Must-Get-Beers
6th - Fat Kids Always Get Caught - Funnest Team
7th - Bitch and Brothers

This THURSDAY then, we're looking at a Break the Safe jackpot in excess of £160. See you all at 7.30pm

Scott

The Six Must-get-beers made a stonking debut at the Jayz quiz last Thursday, ripping the opposition to pieces and winning by a 4 point margin.
In true OAs style, they also managed to make it through the cards in one go so they were the only mob that could leave with the £137 jackpot. As you can see in the above photo, it went a bit tits up for Kat and the rest of the team. Their combination was 501302, a few digits off the Beast's Secret Combination of 501408.

Here's how the quiz finished...

1st - Six Must-get-beers
2nd - Fat Kids Always Get Caught
3rd - Team Clockwise (Funnest Team)
4th - The Ladies
=5th - Beyond All Help
=5th - Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest
6th - Quizimodo Bastards
7th - LTS (Just about made it past the half-way point but were too bevvied to make it any further. Oops!)

So it's ANOTHER rollover. I'll be at Jayz this Thursday with a secret combination, a deck of cards and safe stuffed fulla CASH!

Caution: If you are easily offended, LOOK AWAY NOW!

What have tofu and a dildo got in common?
They're both meat replacements - Quizimodo

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist it! - Och Aye Whey Aye

How did Rihanna know Chris Brown was cheating on her?
He had a different colour lipstick on his knuckles - Maybe Alva Knows

I went into the local butcher shop and said to the guy behind the counter, "I bet you can't reach the meat on the top shelf"
"Sorry, but I can't take that bet", said the butcher..."the steaks are too high" - Up Jacob's Creek Without a Paddle

A member of the jury was identified as an ex of Oscar Pistorius. Turns out she dodged a bullet with that one - Fat Kids Always Get Caught


What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?
I can't peanut butter my cock in your ass - McNeill, get a round you cheap bastard


Where does a Russian go for a shit if they have no toilet?
A Putin - Fat Kids Always Get Caught


Jesus must be Scottish. I mean, he went out on a Friday, got hammered, and didn't rise til Sunday - Quizimodo


Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she threw out all the W's - Maybe Alva knows


The class had come back in from playtime. Teacher asked Johnny, "What did you do at playtime?"
Johnny replied "I played in the sand pit."
"That's nice Johnny, if you can spell SAND correctly, I'll give you a biscuit." Johnny duly obliged and was given a biscuit. The teacher then asked Suzy what she did at playtime.
"I played in the sand pit with Johnny", replied Suzy.
"That's nice Suzy. If you can spell PIT correctly, I'll give you a biscuit."
Sure enough, Suzy spelt PIT correctly and was given a biscuit. The teacher then asked Mohammed what he did.
"I tried to play in the sand pit but Johnny and Suzy called me names and threw sand at me and wouldn't let me play."
"Oh dear", said the teacher, "that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me. If you can spell BLATANT RACIAL DISCRIMINATION..." - Brulie

The OAs were back to winning ways this week, having been mugged by a point off of those Quizimodo bastards the previous week.
In true 'Get it right up yeez' style, not only did they win the quiz, they also managed to sail through the Play Your Cards Right in one go. So it was left to them to answer the three BREAK THE SAFE questions - here's what they looked like...

Question one: Health advisors have recently told us that we should now be eating how many portions of fruit and veg?

Question two: What position did Little Mix' Sport Relief version of "Word Up" reach in the UK Top 40 chart?

Question three: A list of the world's 100 best restaurants has just been published. How many top 100 restaurants are there in the UK?

And the winning combination...

And in case you missed it, this is how close those OA chaps came to touching the cash FOR REAL...

So no ca$h winners and the jackpot rolls over to £114 next week plus whatever you lot put into it. In case you were wondering, here's how things finished on the night:

1st - OAs
2nd - Och Aye Whey Aye
3rd - Maybe Alva Knows (Thursday's funnest team, and Emma, Thursday's Funnest Person)
4th - Quizimodo
5th - Up Jacob's Creek Without a Paddle
6th - The Jollys (late arrivals making their quiz debut)

See you all Thursday @ 7.30pm. Try and rob me if you think you're clever enough

Scott

Some of these photos date back to iPhone 4S times, so apologies if anyone that appears below is now retired from public life or deceased. Have a swatch and a giggle and if you want your mug splashed all over the internet, make sure you get down to Jayz this Thursday, where I'll be doing my best to give away £114+ and taking your photos for some post quiz reminiscing.

A new quiz, and a new jackpot game - Matt from Where's the Ham & Pineapple picked no.7 & it didn't work out so well for him. Sorry Matt.

A wonderful array of old faces at the quiz, OA's were out in force, Dr Crack's Face Splash made it along, and Captain Fanny brought a whole load of new cocks to the party. Nice. Here's her poster in glorious close-up.